April 3, 2006
Light Verse Poems Based on Spoonerism:
This section contains poems of a form the Germans call "Schuttelrime"
or shaken rhyme. It means, basically, you take two a 2 syllable
word or two one-syllable words, reverse the initial letters (making
a "spoonerism"), combine the original sounds (like "Yogi")
with the spoonerism of them ("Go ye") and get a short
poem that actually makes sense. Of course, some of mine depend on
their explanatory titles to make complete sense, but most can stand
alone, if you meet them in a dark alley.
In case that description is confusing, you get a spoonerism
when you transpose sounds (usually the initial letters of two words
or two syllables). It's the sounds that count, not the spelling.
Thus "Yogi", not "yoge", is a spoonerism of
"go ye". The Schuttelrime is not just a spoonerism. It's
two words (usually monosyllables) or a single 2-syllable word AND
the spoonerism of it combined into a single statement that, somehow,
manages to make sense. (And sometimes I cheat on the syllable count.)
A German friend mentioned this form to me. I'm not sure if anyone
else has been doing them in English. And if enough people read these,
maybe no one else will want to try. You'll get the idea of what
they are after you read a few.
[I like this one -- it really says something, quite a trick
in this form. It says we're responsible in some way for the troubles
that befall us.]
Humor the Idiot
["Nair" is or was a rub-on product (I think a cream)
for removing "unsightly body hair".]
[This must be a very anxious lady, if she has it down to the
[That is, the Windows din is the din of users bitching about
[That is, first don the condom, then come.]
Captured by Corsairs
[That is, sold as slaves, as, often, Corsair's captives were.]
Daring Investment When Gold is Down
He Ate Her
Stay Out of Our Town
Is She Flirting With Me?
A Secret Life
His First Formal Dance
Cassandra Mocked for Dire Predictions
Taming of the shrew,
Shaming of the true.
[Note: Cassandra (Trojan daughter) was probably considered shrewish
by those who mocked her prophesies of disaster, all of which came
true. This is one where I cheated on the syllable count.]
Corrupt Politician's Choice
[Note: Rather than pleading guilty, most politicians deny, while
loudly deploring the crimes they commit.]
Fly Lands on Flan, Then Hangs on Wall
The Prom Queen Prepares
[Note: This one actually works as a poem -- shows an entire
scene, a feeling, etc. I'm amazed!]
[That is, a fresh wench. Though "frisch" is German,
Junk Food/Medication Diet
Lying Half Off the Curb
Miniature Golf Losing Business
In The Parking Lot
Why You Scratch, Dog
The Wind Shifts Just In Time
[A lee reef would be a reef to leeward. That is, the wind is
blowing the ship TOWARDS the reef and its dangers, so a shift in
the wind might save the ship.]
The Boat Is Leaking!
Long Live Cleopatra!
We row her ship:
Masochist Wants Tough Dominatrix
Armada Blown Onto Rocks
She Doesn't Respond
Luther Sparks Reformation
Tack a list,
[Many consider that the Protestant Reformation began when Martin
Luther tacked to the cathedral door a list of his objections to
Catholic practice at that time.]
Bad Poets Should Be Spanked
In Iraq Fighting For...America?
Cursing a Prostitute
Orgasms Disturb Prim Neighbor
Married Too Long?
Prophet Succumbs To Temptation
How He Gets Her Pregnant
Court Martial Removes The Feather From His Cap
[Note: "Doom" means "judgment".]
When Sad, I Eat
Blue Jays Diving
Putting The Spoiled Brat To Work
A Race Car Natural
Start of Lama's Prayer
Care! Ah, Buddha...
[In other words, he's praying to Buddha to save him from that
A Battle Won
(Such muck, mess!)
Comic Book Theme
Sad Sack's luckless
Lad lacks success.
Soprano's Cure For Depression
Baritone in sack
[In other words, it's not a drug, but having a baritone lover
that brings up the soprano's serotonin level -- a low level of which
is rather unscientifically equated with depression by the drug companies.]
So luck leads.
Nothing Sucks Seed Like...
Sick, sad, luckless.
Lick lad success.
Sexual Union: Messy, But Fun
Sin sang: YUCK! YES!
Simon Drops Pies, Leaves Fair
Slight Amazon Marijuana Traffic
Bad Bird Poems
The Bimbo is a...
[I like this one well enough to tolerate the slight off sound
of "Petty," which would have to be "pity" to
sound right. A pity!]
Beauty is Doomed...
He Got the Spy Pregnant
Had to marry
Young Emperor God Poisons Mom
[Note: Nero considered himself a great and heroic artist. No
one else could see it]
Measure Those Biceps!
Careful How You Put On That Brooch!
After All These Years, Still Romantic:
Warning to Goldilocks
[Note: It might better be a warning to Baby Bare to beware of
Goldilocks, the Porridge thief: Beware, we bear.]
Penicillin Helps Elderly Spinsters
[Note: Penicillin is derived from mold.]
Look! It's the Holy Ghost!
The Last Shall Be First
Badly Lit Airport
Oar Ripples Water, Leaving...
A German Despises Picasso:
Nude Sunbathers Get What They Deserve
Eating Sandwiches in the Valley, Watching a Distant Ram
Ham on Rye...
Ram on high!
Attack of the Mildew
Painting of the Madonna
A Lowly Part
He Used to Drink and Womanize
Did His Wife Put Up With His Drinking?
Bore a lush?
[Again I tolerate, for the pleasure of the sense, the weak off-rhyme
of "Bush" and "lush".]
The Magic That Failed
Beefy Football Players
Zonked Out on Caffeine and Sugar
[Note: In ancient Rome the Circus Maximus was, I think, one
of the places where the luckless were doomed by "Thumbs Down"
-- though I've read that that wasn't the exact signal used.]
Chou Enlai Helps Mao Enslave His People
Chou: Main [Chou mein?]
Will Anger Make Me Feel Young Again?
Is She Prone to Melodrama?
[Here the switch is in the internal vowels, not the initial
I Hope No One Sees Me Behind This Tree
Try n pee!
At The Furriers
Feel, Sir --
Beatniks Have Fleas, So...
Ink-Stained Beatnik Poets Shift to Ballpoints
All That Mud Around The Drinking Fountain in the Park
You Men All Just Want The One Thing
Boy Loses Pissing Contest
Should The Lecherous Duchess Chance Scandal?
Lady Godivas Horse Tires In The Stretch