Last updated: April 3, 2006

Light Verse Poems Based on Spoonerism:

This section contains poems of a form the Germans call "Schuttelrime" or shaken rhyme. It means, basically, you take two a 2 syllable word or two one-syllable words, reverse the initial letters (making a "spoonerism"), combine the original sounds (like "Yogi") with the spoonerism of them ("Go ye") and get a short poem that actually makes sense. Of course, some of mine depend on their explanatory titles to make complete sense, but most can stand alone, if you meet them in a dark alley.

In case that description is confusing, you get a spoonerism when you transpose sounds (usually the initial letters of two words or two syllables). It's the sounds that count, not the spelling. Thus "Yogi", not "yoge", is a spoonerism of "go ye". The Schuttelrime is not just a spoonerism. It's two words (usually monosyllables) or a single 2-syllable word AND the spoonerism of it combined into a single statement that, somehow, manages to make sense. (And sometimes I cheat on the syllable count.)

A German friend mentioned this form to me. I'm not sure if anyone else has been doing them in English. And if enough people read these, maybe no one else will want to try. You'll get the idea of what they are after you read a few.

Scram, Maharishi

Go ye,
Yogi.

Bumper Crop

Sow grins –
Grow sins.

Responsibility

I make
My ache.

[I like this one -- it really says something, quite a trick in this form. It says we're responsible in some way for the troubles that befall us.]

Humor the Idiot

Placate
Clay pate.

Vanity

He Nairs
Knee hairs.

["Nair" is or was a rub-on product (I think a cream) for removing "unsightly body hair".]

Owl Hunt

She hoots –
He shoots.

No Period

Miss day –
Dismay.

[This must be a very anxious lady, if she has it down to the day.]

Microsoft Critics

Windows
Din: Woes.

[That is, the Windows din is the din of users bitching about the software.]

Safe Sequence

Condom
Don. Come.

[That is, first don the condom, then come.]

Captured by Corsairs

Sought gold,
Got sold.

[That is, sold as slaves, as, often, Corsair's captives were.]

Daring Investment When Gold is Down

Got bold,
Bought gold.

He Ate Her

Fat cur –
Cat fur.

Stay Out of Our Town

Gad by,
Bad guy.

Is She Flirting With Me?

Knee shows...
She knows.

Critic

Survey
Verse, eh?

A Secret Life

Prude licks
Lewd pricks.

Shelley's Drowning

Bysshe fate:
Fish bait.

Rodeo

Tackle
Cattle.

His First Formal Dance

Bow, coy
Cowboy.

Cassandra Mocked for Dire Predictions

Taming of the shrew,
Shaming of the true.

[Note: Cassandra (Trojan daughter) was probably considered shrewish by those who mocked her prophesies of disaster, all of which came true. This is one where I cheated on the syllable count.]

Attila's Goal

Rome, Hun:
Home run!

Horse Meat

Steed for
Feed store.

Corrupt Politician's Choice

Plead – or
Deplore.

[Note: Rather than pleading guilty, most politicians deny, while loudly deploring the crimes they commit.]

Fly Lands on Flan, Then Hangs on Wall

Spanish fly –
Flannish spy.

The Prom Queen Prepares

Homecoming!
Comb, humming.

[Note: This one actually works as a poem -- shows an entire scene, a feeling, etc. I'm amazed!]

Keys Lost

Under where?
Wonder... err...

Chastity Oath

No gads,
Gonads.

Franco-German Relationship

French wish:
Wench frisch.

[That is, a fresh wench. Though "frisch" is German, not French.]

Junk Food/Medication Diet

Pig swill...
Swig pill.

Lying Half Off the Curb

Wino
Nigh woe.

Miniature Golf Losing Business

Putt crisis? –
Cut prices

In The Parking Lot

Me, dented,
Demented.

Scared Witless

Vapid,
Pavid.

Why You Scratch, Dog

Reflex:
Flea, Rex.

The Wind Shifts Just In Time

Lee reef...
Relief!

[A lee reef would be a reef to leeward. That is, the wind is blowing the ship TOWARDS the reef and its dangers, so a shift in the wind might save the ship.]

The Boat Is Leaking!

We bail,
Bewail.

Long Live Cleopatra!

We row her ship:
Hero worship.

Masochist Wants Tough Dominatrix

Worship
Sure whip.

Armada Blown Onto Rocks

Shore whips
War ships.

She Doesn't Respond

Petted...
Tepid.

Pregnant Hitchhiker

Mother
Thumber.

Luther Sparks Reformation

Tack a list,
Catalyst!

[Many consider that the Protestant Reformation began when Martin Luther tacked to the cathedral door a list of his objections to Catholic practice at that time.]

Bad Poets Should Be Spanked

Whack bards
Backwards.

In Iraq Fighting For...America?

Warfare
For...where?

Cursing a Prostitute

Hex: Sell
Sex...Hell!

Prostitute's Scourge

Hex: Sore,
Sex-whore.

Orgasms Disturb Prim Neighbor

Sex's volume
Vexes solemn.

Sexing Kittens

Sex division –
Vexed decision.

Married Too Long?

Saggy necks,
Naggy Sex.

Prophet Succumbs To Temptation

Seer necks,
Near sex.

How He Gets Her Pregnant

Necks; needs
Sex; seeds.

Court Martial Removes The Feather From His Cap

Plea doom:
Deplume.

[Note: "Doom" means "judgment".]

Ah! Brotherhood

Sibling
Bliss sing!

When Sad, I Eat

More food
For mood.

Blue Jays Diving

Combat:
Bomb cat!

Putting The Spoiled Brat To Work

Silk mop,
Milk sop?

A Race Car Natural

Gear shift –
Sheer gift!

Start of Lama's Prayer

Barracuda
Care! – Ah, Buddha...

[In other words, he's praying to Buddha to save him from that barracuda, Care.]

Tattling

Teacher!
CHEATER!

A Battle Won

Much success!
(Such muck, mess!)

Comic Book Theme

Sad Sack's luckless –
Lad lacks success.

Soprano's Cure For Depression

Baritone in sack –
Serotonin back!

[In other words, it's not a drug, but having a baritone lover that brings up the soprano's serotonin level -- a low level of which is rather unscientifically equated with depression by the drug companies.]

Fickle Fate

Low succeeds –
So luck leads.

Nothing Sucks Seed Like...

Sick, sad, luckless.
Lick lad – success.

Sexual Union: Messy, But Fun

Sin sang: YUCK! YES!
Yin-yang success.

Simon Drops Pies, Leaves Fair

Ware fell.
Farewell.

Freelancer's Rate

Sentence:
Ten cents.

Slight Amazon Marijuana Traffic

Tropical
Pot trickle

Bad Bird Poems

Bird watcher –
Word botcher.

The Bimbo is a...

Petty, tarty,
Titty party.

[I like this one well enough to tolerate the slight off sound of "Petty," which would have to be "pity" to sound right. A pity!]

Beauty is Doomed...

To be
Booty.

Lucretia Borgia

A toxic
Exotic.

He Got the Spy Pregnant –

Had to marry
Mata Hari.

Young Emperor God Poisons Mom

Haughty Nero –
Naughty Hero!

[Note: Nero considered himself a great and heroic artist. No one else could see it]

Measure Those Biceps!

Shake tape...
Take shape.

New-Hatched

Child weeps –
Wild cheeps.

Careful How You Put On That Brooch!

Pin tweaks
Twin peaks.

Wife

Daily
Lady

After All These Years, Still Romantic:

Husband
Buss hand.

Warning to Goldilocks

Beware:
Wee bear.

[Note: It might better be a warning to Baby Bare to beware of Goldilocks, the Porridge thief: Beware, we bear.]

Penicillin Helps Elderly Spinsters

Mold aids
Old maids.

[Note: Penicillin is derived from mold.]

Look! It's the Holy Ghost!

Clara! Pete!
Paraclete!

The Last Shall Be First

Low, he?
Holy!

Badly Lit Airport

One-ray
Runway.

Oar Ripples Water, Leaving...

Paddle
Dapple.

A German Despises Picasso:

Fine art?
Ein fart!

Nude Sunbathers Get What They Deserve

Buns earn
Sun's burn.

Eating Sandwiches in the Valley, Watching a Distant Ram

Ham on Rye...
Ram on high!

Attack of the Mildew

Mad, bold
Bad mold!

Painting of the Madonna

Picture:
Chick, pure.

A Lowly Part

Humble
Bum hole

Butterfly

Former
Morpher

He Used to Drink and Womanize

Bite tush,
Tight Bush!

Did His Wife Put Up With His Drinking?

Laura Bush
Bore a lush?

[Again I tolerate, for the pleasure of the sense, the weak off-rhyme of "Bush" and "lush".]

The Magic That Failed

John-Kerry
Conjury.

Beefy Football Players

Tackle-
Cattle.

Zonked Out on Caffeine and Sugar

Mocha
Coma

Thumbs Down

Circus
Curse us.

[Note: In ancient Rome the Circus Maximus was, I think, one of the places where the luckless were doomed by "Thumbs Down" -- though I've read that that wasn't the exact signal used.]

Nuclear Weapon

Somber
Bomb, Sir.

Chou Enlai Helps Mao Enslave His People

Chou: Main [Chou mein?]
Mao chain.

Will Anger Make Me Feel Young Again?

Outrage
Rout age?

Is She Prone to Melodrama?

Soap opera
Sop Oprah?

[Here the switch is in the internal vowels, not the initial consonants.]

I Hope No One Sees Me Behind This Tree

Pine tree –
Try ‘n pee!

At The Furriers

Feel, Sir --
Seal fur!

Beatniks Have Fleas, So...

Shed Beat
Bed sheet.

Ink-Stained Beatnik Poets Shift to Ballpoints

Neat Bics,
Beatniks!

All That Mud Around The Drinking Fountain in the Park

Fountain –
Town fen.

You Men All Just Want The One Thing

Foreplay –
Fair ploy?

Boy Loses Pissing Contest

Piss dare...
Despair!

Should The Lecherous Duchess Chance Scandal?

Dare fame,
Fair Dame?

Lady Godiva’s Horse Tires In The Stretch

Mare fade,
Fair maid?